finding self love

Something most girls, no matter what age, struggle with is self love. Growing up we are faced with many “idols” and “role models”. We grow up telling ourselves “I have to dress this way”, or “I need to look like this”, and I’ll be satisfied and I’ll love myself. We think that if maybe just maybe I had the latest fashion, or did my makeup perfectly, or made the popular guy fall for me then I’d feel fulfillment. And maybe this does make it for some girls. Maybe all of those things do make some girls love themselves. But I know it didn’t work for me and I know it doesn’t for many other girls. No matter how many clothes I had or how many guys I dated or how much makeup I wore, I still struggled to love myself. I was either not skinny enough or didn’t have perfect skin or didn’t have a boyfriend. As soon as I got all of that and made it all happen I realized something… I still wasn’t happy. I still didn’t feel good enough for anyone. Then I realized after I lost someone that I loved with all my heart that it was just that. I didn’t feel good enough for anyone else. I spent so much time trying to please others and not enough time doing the things that I really loved. It wasn’t until this that I realized I wasn’t living for myself. I was living for others. I finally dug deep and started dressing how I wanted, doing my makeup (or not) however I wanted. I started listening to music that I loved and acting how I wanted to act. Some of the things I do, some of the things I wear, and sometimes how I act are out of the norm and that’s okay. Because I have never been happier. And I have never been so content with being me. I finally love myself and I want to tell every girl out there, that finding self love is the best thing to ever happen to me. So instead of following the social norms or looking for love and approval in someone else, dig down deep and be you. Because I promise you will love all that you become.

Its okay

You left her and she was so lost for so long. Truthfully she still is. When you left you took whoever she was with you, she lost herself completely. Her grades dropped, she lost contact with her friends, her family relationships became so damaged because she was physically there but not emotionally. She started drinking a lot… A little too much. It became so painful she drank alone in her room on school nights. She started smoking, it helped her anxiety when she started thinking about you, she never really stopped thinking about you. She stopped eating, she would throw up whatever she tried to eat. She would come home from school and try to sleep but lie awake, crying, thinking of you. Thinking about what she did to make you stop loving her. You still have never told her. She started sleeping with boys that meant nothing to her. She had never done that before. She got too used to it too fast. None of them meant anything to her. Not like you did. When you left, you took whoever she was with you. Looking back at it now, I’m thankful that you did. Because the girl I was didn’t love herself. She needed you to feel loved. Now, almost 10 months later, you’re gone and haven’t tried talking to her but thats okay. Its okay that you left because she has learned to love herself and be happy without depending on anyone else. She’s finally okay that you left and I hope for her sake you never come back because all the work she’s done to put herself back together would be pointless because no matter what you did to her she would still choose you.